title: the very post of mine
date: Saturday, November 07, 2009
time:2:25:00 PM Halo... udah lama ya gue nggak blogging, haha. Whatever, ini blog kayaknya emang bakal gue telantarin aja, karena gue juga udah eneg lama-lama sama dunia perbloggingan, atau kalau mau khusus, blogger. Dan sebagai last impression (tsaah) gue mau bikin post terakhir, dan jelas ya isinya bukan 'hai gue udah bosen sama blogger jadi gue nggak bakal blogging lagi udah ya daah'. No no no, here i want to share the very thing i had known and love for... year (maybe) to be the very post. Kemaren-kemaren-kemaren gue udah share (a bit, kayaknya) tentang Percy Jackson kan ya, meski gak banyak-banyak amat, dan meski gue udah namatin series nya, gue males ngelanjutin share lagi tentang hal yang sama entah kenapa hahahahahahaha. Terus juga karena Harry Potter udah baassiii (ini gue tau dari taun 2000 dan itu series udah tamat dan orang-orang udah tau gimana tamatnya ngapain gue repot-repot? Lagian gue udah bosen sama dunia perPotteran, jamannya udah lewat), gue mau share yang lain aja. Dan bukan The Hunger Games karena... euforia yang gue dapet dari seri yang satu ini... somehow cuma abis baca bukunya doang, hari berikutnya BLAST! Kayaknya udah ngendap dimana tau. Kemaren juga gue beli kan ya terjemahan indo nya THG terus pas gue baca... i didnt have those excitided feelings anymore, karena gue udah baca sebelumnya dan entah kenapa pas baca versi indo-nya... nggak semenarik itu. Lebih menarik gue baca yang versi inggrisnya. And this means... only one series left (iya gue emang gak banyak baca series (full series), cuma empat, lima kalo laskar pelangi dihitung, dan iya, gue gak baca twilight full series, cuma buku pertama and done, gue gak ngelanjut lagi), and the series iiiss... Jessica Darling series. Dengan buku pertama dan selanjutnya: Sloppy Firsts, Second Helpings, Charmed Thirds, Fourth Comings, aand Perfect Fifths. Kalau kalian penggemar teenlit-chicklit whatevah, dan emang ngoleksi semua teenlit-chicklit yang pernah dijual, i bet (a bit) kalian pernah dengar. Buku pertama dan keduanya memang pernah dicetak di sini dengan terjemahan Cadangan Pertama dan Porsi Kedua. Yes yes yes yes gue baca teenlit. Tapi lebih ke yang punya luar, bukan yang asli indo. HAHA CALL ME PENGKHIANAT BANGSA. But seriously, gue eneg sendiri baca dialog gue-elo di novel and you know whaaatt? Teenlit indo is... all the same pattern. Okelah namanya juga teenlit, dan ini Sloppy Firsts bisa jadi 'all the same pattern' juga bagi orang lain, but one thing. Sloppy Firsts is, I found, more relatable. Itu sekitar tahun... entah 2007 atau 2008, gue gak inget persis karena gue gak pernah punya kebiasaan claiming buku (tanda tangan or semacamnyalah) pas dibeli, yang jelas waktu itu masih ada di rak, baru terbit mungkin... watevah. Gue ambil karena... idk, mungkin karena itu satu-satunya novel terjemahan yang menarik ada di situ ==" And so so. Formatnya kayak jurnal gitu, kalo nggak punya ide format-jurnal kayak gimana, pernah baca Princess Diaries? Nah ya macam begitulah. Background: Jadi Jessica Darling ini sobatnya, Hope, pindah ke Tennessee, gara-gara kakaknya mati OD (Heath) dan itu bonyoknya gak mau si Hope ini ikut-ikutan kayak gitu juga jadi dia dibawa pulang kembali ke kampung halamannya, Tennessee. Dan ya you know what lah si Jessica ini jadi gimana, sakit hati dsb. Nah, Jessica ini somewhat Class Brainiac (baca: Jenius Kelas), atlit lari di sekolah karena dipaksa(?) ayahnya, the only virgin in her school--Pinevile High, rada sarkas (this is what i like MOST), dan rela-meski-gak-tahan sticking out with Clueless Crew (Kru Konyol kalo di terjemahannya), which consists Bridget (dulunya temen masa kecilnya Jess yang paliing deket), Manda, Sara. Got the picture? And there is Scotty, ex Jessica waktu kelas delapan, yang waktu smp culun, sma nya jadi Jocks. Lalu Pepe, atau Pierre, siapalah, temen sekelas bahasa Prancisnya. Terus Len Levy, taksiran Jessica pas masih kelas... 5 SD? Tapi ditolak mentah-mentah pas Valentine, dan si Len Levy ini... what, jerawatan, or watever, dan dia, saingan Jessica dalam, apa tuh, prestasi sekolah, nilai, dsb. And there is... *tarik napas* There is this guy, named Marcus Flutie (such a funny name, yeah i know what youre thinking, but dont look that side), Gregs sekolah (Gregs: pemakai), setahun lebih tua dari Jessica tapi satu angkatan karena alasan tertentu, dan temen make nya Heath, well he was. Yes, you can say this is a love story. Yes, somehow i could like a love story. Even if I always say my favorite genre is fantasy. I dont really like the fusion of romance and fantasy. Somehow I prefer to choose a relatable love story with relatable character. And, for me, Jessica Darling is relatable. With her hatable-high-school, and her way of thinking. RIGHT. I'm so subjective. If thats what you're thinking. Hahahahahahaah I already told you bekgron Sloppy Firsts gimana (btw itu latarnya pas Jessica masih di tahun Sophomore-nya di Pinevile High). And I guess I'm a lazyass to tell you furthermore. The details and details, it just boring to tell. I would like to tell you the interesting part, or, at least, what i think is interesting. Pertamaaa... (dan mungkin satu-satunya...) Chemistry between Jessica dan Marcus. Really, it just felt so reaal and... yeah. I love and love and love how they talk each other. Or should I say... Gue suka dan suka dan sukaaa sama karakter Marcus. Things: He had this ADD. A-D-D. Attention Deficit Disorder. So he 'never stops jiggling his foot, drumming his fingers on his desk, twirling and letting go of his tie, and so on'. And he also has this... apa ya namanya, pokoknya when Jessica is having a conversation with him, he tends to jump from topic to topic, often without finishing up one train of thought before branching off into another, which splinters off into another, and another, and so on. So one conversation with him contains a bizillion schizophrenic discussions. And, somehow... I thought that's cool. (Great, think of Percy Jackson, he also has this kinda Disorder, now what you think?) End of book 1: Jessica said "Fuck you" to Marcus, just after Marcus told her aaalll the truth. What the truth is, well, get a read --a
Second Helping. (I found this book in a... bookstore abalan, and you know whaaat, ini buku DISKON 75% which is harganya jadi 12.500 RUPIAH dan itu jujur saja agak mengagetkan ya karena gue pikir ini buku bagus dan ketika tahu harganya segitu... well, ternyata emang nggak laku ya di sini) So Jessica is trying to forget Marcus, or what, avoiding him. Thats pretty sad, because, well, I just love their conversation together (yeaaa this thing again, have i mentioned it?). And because this book is written in journal-style, and so the first book, it means the book is told from Jessica's point of view, I guess I wont see much Marcusness right? Since Jessica was like, uhm, yeah, you-know-what. Aand... she's with Len Levy then, hahaha (dan dia sudah tidak jerawatan dan tidak culuuun dan teman dekatnya sekarang Marcus Flutie, ha). He always stuttering, nervous and always say "um" right after he said one word. Dan dia kalau ngomong... lucu. Lucu tapi aneh, kocak jadinya, gitu deh, hahaha. Kay, imma give you like, an example: What I Asked: “How was your summer, Len?”
What Len Said: [Ahem!] “My dermatologist prescribed Accutane, the most powerful drug for cystic acne (1) but not without a host of daunting side effects, including changes in mood, severe stomach pain, diarrhea, rectal bleeding, headaches, nausea, vomiting, yellowing of the skin and eyes, dark urine, (2) and increased photosensitivity, the last of which made it impossible for me to spend much time outdoors, so when I wasn’t working on hits and gomers (3) I was in the basement with Flu (4) and the band formerly known as the Len Levy Four because once Flu joined the band (5), it was inaccurate and unusable (6) unless we were being ironic and wry, but the other band members never liked the original name (7) so now we’re called Chaos Called Creation, inspired by a line from one of Flu’s poems (8), and he writes a lot because he says it’s a positive way to channel the excess energy he used to waste on women and wine (9), as I like to put it (10), but I’m speaking metaphorically since most of his former flings were under the age of eighteen and not technically women (11) and he was never really into alcohol and more into G-13 grade THC, but that’s all in the past (12), which is good because we don’t want to end up like every band on Behind the Music before we even get our first gig (13), so all in all I’d say I had a perfectly productive summer, how about you?”
What I Thought:
1. Too bad Accutane can’t cure the bumps in his personality. Why would anyone go out of his way to remind everyone that his now-cute face used to be in a state of epidermal emergency? How could someone so hot be so socially retarded]
2. Christ. Is he a catch, or what? And I thought I’d have to go back to Silver Meadows to find a guy with such a fascinating list of ailments.
3. More EMT-speak, 1 presume.
4. Who?
5. Len calls Marcus Flu. Like a viral infection you can’t shake until it’s good and done with you. Flu. Ha!
6. So Marcus joined the band? No shit.
7. No duh.
8. What?! That’s straight from the poem Marcus wrote me after the Dannon Incident! The one called “Fall,” in which he used Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden and other Creation imagery to tempt me into sin. Which meant sex! Marcus is still messing with my mind, even when I’m not around.
9. Women and wine? Did Marcus really say that? I mean, I don’t doubt that he’s been tempted by his favorite vices, but would he put it in those exact words?
10. Aha! I knew it. Marcus wouldn’t use a phrase like “women and wine.” Booze and broads maybe. Or nymphos and needles. But not “women and wine.” That’s too precious for him.
11. If they were little girls before Marcus got to them, they were women afterward.
12. When he says “all,” does he mean that Marcus has given up girls altogether? Or does he mean that he’s given up recreational ho’bag banging as a way to pass the time, but is still interested in the female form?
13. Who cares about your band? Answer my questions, damn you!
What I Replied: “It was okay.” And Jessica made up with him. Uhh, like really, they dont even have this chemistry. Mereka nggak nyambung. “Gladdie, Moe, Irene, it’s been a pleasure. I’ll see you again soon.” Then I turned to Marcus. “May I have a word with you please?”
“Sure,” he replied, without making a move. You know, I’d forgotten that Marcus can be a huge pain in the ass when he wants to be, which is all of the time.
“Oh, you mean in private?”
“Yes, I mean in private.”
“Ohhhhh…” he said, as if all the world’s mysteries had just been answered. He gave everyone at the table a knowing glance. “It must be about Len, then.”
Gladdie, Moe, and everyone else oohed and ahhed. Obviously, someone had already informed them about Len.
“It’s not about Len,” I said. “It’s about you.”
An even louder chorus of oohs and ahhs.
“You know what? Forget it.” Words. HAHA. You may dont get it, but... yeah. And... “Again, I must compliment you on your costume.”
“You liked it.”
“You saw the DVD at my house, so you knew that I would,” I replied. “But there’s just one thing that doesn’t make sense.”
“And what’s that?”
“Well, if you’re really looking out for Len’s best sexual interests, I can’t help but wonder why you didn’t tell him to dress like Leon to impress me. Think about that for a while.”
And I hung up.
Marcus doesn’t really want me with Len! He only wants me to think he wants me with Len!
Why???!!! I have no idea! But it doesn’t matter right now! Victory is mine! I’m too excited! I must stop this abuse of exclamation points! HA! Teenflick. Marcus has backed off ever since I blew a hole in his “I’m helping Len” alibi. Silently and simultaneously, we decided to take a nonantago-nistic yet not-quite-tight approach to dealing with each other. We talk, but not really.
“Hey, Jessica,” he says.
“Hey, Marcus,” I say.
“How’s Len?” he asks.
“Len’s fine,” I reply.
“That’s good,” he says.
“I guess,” I say.
And so it goes. Do you get it? You dont have to, anyway. And, this is when Pinevile High isnt getting a Homecoming and all the students protested and making mess. “We should do something else on Friday,” Marcus said, grinning down at the melee.
“What do you mean?” I asked. What I really meant was, What do you mean by “do” and “we”?
Bridget piped in, “Like, we should organize an alternative event to homecoming!”
“Exactly,” Marcus said, nodding his approval.
“Like what?” Len asked.
“Len, I think this is the perfect time for Chaos Called Creation to get out of the basement.”
Len turned green. “Urn. Flu. Um. We’re not ready for a show.”
Bridget jumped up and down with excitement.
“What’s the point of being in a band if you don’t perform?” Marcus asked.
“We perform.”
“For the four walls of wood paneling in your basement. But I’m talking about people.”
“I don’t know. Um,” said Len, glancing in my direction.
“I think it’s a great idea, Len. I can’t wait to hear Chaos Called Creation.” I said the last few words with an unintentionally sarcastic emphasis that resulted in a spontaneous exchange of looks between Bridget and Marcus. Len didn’t notice.
“Um. Okay. Where?”
Silence all around.
“I got it,” Bridget exclaimed. “Bruiser’s house.”
Groans all around.
“Her house is the only one that’s big enough,” Bridget said. “And she’s, like, the only person I can think of who will be able to promote the party on such short notice.”
“You’re right. Um. But she’ll never do it.”
“She wished death by overdose on Marcus, remember?” I chimed in.
Marcus turned to Bridget and said, “These two make a perfectly pessimistic pair.”
“They, like, totally do,” Bridget replied.
Len and I just stood there awkwardly, praying they would get back to the original subject. Bridget finally did.
“Look, Bruiser will do it because she’ll, like, be worshiped for rescuing homecoming.
She’ll find a way to take credit for the whole idea. Be persuasive—you know, like the
way you used to be in your editorials. Only not such a downer.”
“Me? Why me?” Why was the fate of Pineville High’s homecoming weighing heavy on the shoulders of the most antisocial person in the history of the school? Besides Taryn
Baker, that is.
“Because you’re the only one of us she deigns to talk to,” Marcus said.
The moment he said it, I knew he was right. Of course, I’d have to do it, since I was the only one of us on speaking terms with Sara—and that’s using the phrase loosely.
“You’ll just have to, like, kiss her ass a lot.”
“Lucky me.”
Protestors straggled into the classroom, defeated.
“I’m sorry,” Len said.
“Yeah, I’m sorry I have to kiss Bruiser’s ass, too.”
“Um. No. I mean that our plans are ruined. And. Um.”
Oh, my tragic fate: I’ll never attend a Pineville High homecoming dance. He had no idea how much I didn’t give a damn.
“I’m not crushed, really,” I said. “We can still have fun, I guess.”
“We can?”
Fun is a foreign concept to both of us. We really do make quite a pair.
“Look, I didn’t go last year either and I didn’t care one bit. I even went out with my mom to buy an anti-homecoming dress—” Oops. As soon as I said it, I regretted it. I didn’t want anyone else in the room to remember the blue shirtdress I wore last New Year’s Eve, a relic from the Paleolithic era of high-school memory.
“That’s it. Um. We’ll call it the Anti-Homecoming. If you don’t mind me swiping your idea.”
“No, there’s no copyright on it.”
“Um. Copyright. That’s so funny.”
Nothing indicates un-funniness more than the phrase “That’s so funny” unaccompanied
by even the quietest peep of legit laughter. Len does this a lot with me. “You can even wear. Um. Your Anti-Homecoming Dress.”
Marcus and Bridget nearly fell out of the window when he said that. I almost jumped. Oh, poor Len. He was the only one in the room who had no idea I sent that dress to the Salvation Army after its one and only wearing. He has no idea that I could never wear that dress again, because it reminded me too much of a night that changed my life, but not in the way I had planned, that it reminded me too much of, well… you know. Him. I CANT STOP SHARING. SORRY! I JUST, LOOK, I THINK I HAVE THE NEED TO SHARE EEEVERYTHING I LIKE ABOUT THIS BOOK, BECAUSE, WHAT, THIS IS NOT WHAT EVERYONES-READ BOOK. SORRY CAPSLOCKING, I AM A LAZYASS TO GET A BACKSPACING AND ALL. “Aren’t you going to ask me how Len is doing?”
“How’s Len?” Marcus replied with extra dramatic emphasis.
“Len is fine.”
“That’s good.”
“I guess.”
Our conversation had already become a parody of itself. AND THIS! THIIISS!! When Jessica ended up using E and was about to fcuuuuuk Len in his car but not going because she blabbered TOO MUCH about the past between Marcus and her and how she's so unsure that she wouldve fcuuuuuk anyone but Marcus and and and... Len's mad. And then Len and Marcus and Jessica ended up meeting at somewhat dinner place. To.. what? Clear things up. “Nothing happened between us.”
Len coughed any remaining reservations right out of his larynx. Ahem! “Then what was
she talking about?”
Marcus looked at me. “I’m going to tell him,” he said, very seriously.
“Uh…” I replied, not knowing what he was going to say.
“Last year, I tried to sleep with Jessica.”
The snake was just a soppy blob at this point.
“But she turned me down,” he said. “It was pretty humiliating, actually.”
Len put his hand on my arm. “Is that true?”
“Uh…” I replied.
“So nothing happened, Len,” Marcus said, sensing my hesitation. “Don’t worry about anything Jessica might have said under the influence. Take it from someone who knows. Drugs have a way of really fucking with your subconscious in a way that bears little resemblance to what’s real. It’s why people do drugs to begin with.”
This argument sounded so much like the one I had rehearsed in my head that I almost
thought that I had presented it out loud. But I know I didn’t.
Len was now scrutinizing my face so intensely that I almost couldn’t handle it. Ahem! “What about now, Flu?”
“What about now?”
“Do you still want to have sex with my girlfriend?”
Marcus took his lighter out of his pocket and flicked it open and shut. Marcus had stopped smoking, but he couldn’t stop his hands from reaching for the lighter when he
was… what? Nervous?
“Don’t take this the wrong way. But I never really wanted to have sex with your girlfriend. I just wanted to see if I could.”
Click. Click. Click. Like bullets spinning in the barrel of a gun. Click. Click.
“That was back when I was still using,” he said, casting his gaze at me. “I didn’t know you then like I know you now.”
And I was thinking, Oh, now that you know me, you would never sleep with me?
“I didn’t know that you and I would become friends, Len, or that you two would be so right for each other. So please know that whatever Jessica said about me has nothing to do with what’s real, and how she feels about you. I happen to know for a fact that she’s into you. Isn’t that right, Jessica?”
His question caught me by surprise. Marcus was right, wasn’t he? It was right, me and
Len. We were right.
Right?
“Right.” THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. Len leaned over and kissed me for a little bit, which was rare for us because we are against PDAs. Len is against them because he feels it is an inappropriate breech of etiquette to let your hormones and emotions get the better of you in a public setting. I am against them because I usually can’t handle seeing anyone I know get physical with anyone else I know. I get all skeeved out. So why should / be any exception?
I’d like to think Len kissed me in front of Marcus because he was moved by the power of our reconciliation. Most likely, he did it to mark his territory—me. And it worked, I guess, because when my eyes flickered open, I caught a glimpse of Marcus watching us with what I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear was a moist glint in his right eye. A tear.
A tear? Thats when I get my hope. HA! Really. And, as I said, I CANT STOP SHARING. Here another scene, its when.. Oh, wait... on second thought, I may not gonna share this one. Maybe this one, its when Len FINALLY dumped JESSICA. His dumping speech: “It’s not you. It’s me. And it’s also my mom. She really doesn’t like you very much, and it’s made it difficult to spend time with you, and I thought it was counterintuitive to continue a relationship with someone I can never see. Also, my future is very important to me and I can’t help but feel that since I’ve been with you, my priorities have shifted but not in a positive, productive way. Lately I have realized that we have opposing views on important subjects, including, but not limited to, sexual relations before marriage. I feel that I’ve gotten all I can from this life experience, and that the best thing for both of us is if we put an end to this now, so we can move on to a more fulfilling future.”
When I didn’t respond, he shook my hand in a very businesslike way, then departed. And Jessica, well... after that she was like taking days off from school, and when she's back, she tried very hard, to act so quiet and dignified grace. But she's failed. And this what happens when she finally met Len: “Urn. Jess.”
Instead I got the last person I wanted to see.
Quiet, dignified grace, I reminded myself as I opened my eyes.
“What is it, Len?”
“I just want to. Um. Apologize for hurting you.”
I held up my hands to cut him off.
“First of all, spare me your apology because it’s more about making yourself feel less guilty than it is about looking for forgiveness. Second of all, don’t flatter yourself by thinking you hurt me. You’re either an egomaniac or a psychotic like your mother if you think you hurt me.”
Yeah, that’s right. I sunk to a yo mama level. Whatever. He deserved it.
“You blindsided me, that’s for sure. And I was pissed off. Not so much about you hooking up with Manda, because everyone knows you’re just the latest trick in her hobag. No, I was pissed for only one reason: You broke up with me before I had the chance to break up with you. And that makes me an even bigger asshole than you are. But at least I know it!” And, this is in Bahasa, I KNOW, THIS IS WEIRD BECAUSE IM A LAZYASS, BUT THIS IS, JUST SO AS YOU KNOW, AN EXCEPTION, I REALLY LIKE THIS PART!! "Mm. Jess."
Sebaliknya malah orang yang tidak ingin kulihat.
Tenang, anggun, aku mengingatkan diriku sendiri ketika membuka mata.
"Ada apa, Len?"
"Aku hanya ingin. Mm. Minta maaf karena menyakitimu."
Aku mengangkat tangan untuk memotong pembicaraannya.
"Pertama-tama, simpan saja permintaan maafmu karena itu membuatmu merasa lebih tidak bersalah ketimbang benar-benar meminta maaf. Kedua, jangan menyanjung dirimu sendiri dengan menyangka kau sudah menyakitiku. Kau pasti egomaniak atau psikopat seperti ibumu kalau mengira kau menyakitiku."
Yeah, benar. Aku sudah turun ke tingkat yo mama. Terserahlah, dia layak menerimanya.
"Kau membuatku bingung, yang pasti. Dan aku kesal. Bukan karena kau pacaran dengan Manda, karena semua orang tahu kau hanyalah pelanggannya yang terbaru. Tidak, aku kesal karena satu alasan: Kau memutuskaku sebelum aku punya kesempatan untuk memutuskanmu. Dan itu membuatku terlihat sebagai bajingan yang lebih besar ketimbang kau. Tapi setidaknya aku tahu itu!"
Begitu aku selesai, terdengar suara tepuk tangan. Aku begitu terhanyut dengan pidatoku sehingga tidak memerhatikan kerumunan orang di sekeliling kami. Bridget, Pepe, Scotty, Taryn, dan wajah-wajah lain yang tak kukenal, semua bertepuk tangan sementara Len beringsut pergi dengan sangat kikuk.
Bel terakhir berbunyi, dan orang-orang berlarian ke kelas induk mereka masing-masing. Saat itulah akhirnya aku mendengar suaranya dari belakang.
"Jadi sudah cukup nih sikap tenang dan anggunnya," kata Marcus, bibirnya rapat, dan dia bersedekap, menutupi kata SENIN berwarna hitam yang sudah memudar di dadanya.
"Bukan gayaku," kataku. "Aku lebih berisik dan ofensif."
"Ya," katanya sambil pelan-pelan meringis menampilkan cengiran yang sangat kukenal. "Ya, memang." In the end, maybe I dont even need to tell you, but this is it: Jessica ended up with Marcus. HA! And, in the end of the book, which is, the Graduation Day, there is this part where Jessica, hmm... gave her speech and I sorta like it. Maybe that because I already in a Graduation Day before and reading this makes me like... hm, nostalgia or what, but it felt sooo reaal. I think I was going to cry when I read the speech. Jessica Darling’s Graduation Address
Real-World Revelation: A Malcontent Makes Peace with Pineville
I bet that a lot of you think I’m going to stand up here and go off on one of my anti-Pineville High diatribes, the likes of which I used to publish in the school paper, before I was unfairly silenced by the administration. I must admit that I’ve been looking forward to the opportunity to express my often controversial opinions in front of a captive audience, since I was unable to do so all year long.
But I’m not going to do that today. I’ve vented enough about the shortcomings of this
school. What I haven’t done is consider what I gained from my experience here, and how going to Pineville High School has actually benefited me.
For the past four years, I’ve wanted nothing other than to escape this place. I couldn’t wait to graduate, go to college, and get out into the real world that exists beyond Pineville. I longed for the place where I could finally be free of the social inequities and teen trivialities that dominate high-school life.
But you want to hear something insane? I don’t think I would change a thing about my
high-school experience. Not even the really bad stuff, like my best friend moving away, or my grandmother’s death. If you’re sitting next to two people having heart attacks right now, they are no doubt my parents, as this is probably particularly shocking news to them.
No doubt Pineville would have been a more pleasant place without all the backstabbing, social climbing, and cattiness. But the Jessica Darling standing in front of you today is the result of everything I’ve been through up to this point. Change one event, make a left instead of a right, and who knows where, or more specifically, who I might be at this moment. And here’s the thing: I like who I am. I like the person I’ve turned out to be, and I know I’m not done evolving yet.
I believe that what we get out of life is what we’ve set ourselves up to get, so there’s no such thing as an inconsequential decision. Our destinies are the culmination of all the choices we’ve made along the way, which is why it’s imperative to listen hard to your inner voice when it speaks up. Don’t let anyone else’s noise drown it out.
Looking back on my four years here, I’ve realized that my lowest moments were the
direct result of paying more attention to what other people were saying than listening to my gut. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t ever take someone else’s advice, or turn to others for guidance— just be sure they have your best interests at heart.
If there’s one thing I’ve realized throughout my four years of Pineville High, it’s that the real world, whether we like it or not, is right here, right now. All of this, every day, is important. Everybody matters. Everything we do has an effect on others, directly or indirectly, whether we realize it or not.
But even those who aren’t looking out for you can end up helping you in the end. And as much as I don’t like to admit it, I have to thank the Pineville High School Class of 2002 for the influence you’ve had on my life. For better or for worse, you have helped me become the person I was always meant to be: me. Yes. Me.
Charmed Thirds: Jessica in Columbia. Some problems. Etc etc. Definitely not my favorite among the series.
Fourth Comings: Jessica's... what should I call it, well... uhm, so, Marcus asked Jessica to marry him and... this book is about Jessica deciding whether she would say yes or no. And she said no.
Perfect Fifths: Now, now... THIS IS WHAT I LIIIIKE BEST! Soo... this book is just... no, its not told in a journal-style anymore, its told from a third person point of view, WHICH MEANS, I finally have a peek on Marcus's thought HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. So Jessica is in airport, she's in hurry because she's late, and Marcus is there, too, and blablablabla. The timeline is about 3 or 4 years after Marcus proposed to Jessica, and the book itself is just span like 18 hours, no more than one day, but this is the big part of it. Its only about Jessica and Marcus. And with Jessica and Marcus, this means there must be something like dialogue and or conversation between them, and to complete it all, I ALWAYS LOVE THE CONVERSATION BETWEEN THEM TWO. Sooo... Jessica ran over Marcus at the airport, and they were too.. what, speechless to say something (or ask something, haha) but few words and it all FULL OF, what it is, awkwardness. And, weell, Jessica missed her flight to Bridget and Pepe's wedding, and Marcus couldnt stop stalking her until... the Officers caught him and when they asked him whats he doing he said that he's waiting for his friend and when the officers ask him wheres his friend Marcus pointed to Jessica's place and so the Officers brought him there and Jessica and Marcus met and Jessica saved Marcus and the officers left. And then they (Jessica and Marcus) got themselves in Starbucks near there, having conversations that so random. And in the book, its all DIALOGUES. I mean, dialogue, like, dialogue. Only dialogue, without description or what. And... I REALLY LIKE IT!!! That makes this book like a... quick read. I always love quick read. AAAAANNDD, THERE IS THIS PART WHERE ITS ALL ABOUT SENRYUS! Jessica and Marcus passing pen and notebook to communicate each other, by senryus. IM GIVING YOU, SURE! This is the most most most most WHOA part in this book. I like it much much much much muuuucch. I. She writes
shuttle train delays...
My tired tongue, too, is stuck
(hint: Five, seven, five)
II. He writes
So... we pass the time
by passing pen and notebook
improvising verse?
III. She writes
Years ago you turned
junkmail into senryu
This game is easy
IV. He writes
Mmm....spam word salads
My amusebouche amused you?
(And senry-who? What?)
V. She writes
(Haiku is nature
Senryu, human nature)
Yes, I laughed and laughed
VI. He writes
With me? Or at me?
(And why make a distinction
between two natures?)
VII. She writes
(Human nature, mocked)
We were both in on your jokes
(Mother nature, not)
VIII. He writes
(People are funny)
I'm funniest when trying
So hard not to be
IX. She writes
If not so amuse
why did you write those poems?
I don't understand...
X. He writes
Serious humor
Desperately trying to
Woo you, yes, you, then
XI. She writes
Stop, go, stop, go , stop
This train taunts and teases me
Just as you once did
XII. He writes
I like the way you
Fingertip-tap the paper
To count syllables
XIII. She writes
I like the way you
Silently lip-sync the words
To count syllables
XIV. He writes
So you've noticed, then
(I wonder what else you see
When you look at me)
XV. She writes
How about those Mets?
(Only what my heart can take)
How about those Mets?
XVI. He writes
Aha! Who flirts now?
Trying to seduce with words?
Breaking (y)our promise!
XVII. She writes
(I should know better
I should know better, I should
know better, I should)
XVIII. He writes
(Parentheses speak
More than we dare say out loud
Why, oh, why is that?)
XIX. She writes
Moving, moving on
At last we're getting somewhere
Wherever it is
XX. He writes
A no-tell hotel,
maybe? Where there's no telling
what will happen next?
XXI. She writes
I told you before
What won't happen anywhere
You-know-what is what
XXII. He writes
I-know-what is what
(SEX!) hash been doth protested...
And doth protested...
XXIII. She writes
Keep up the (SEX!) talk
You'll be sleeping with Byron
I'll get my own room
XXIV. He writes
No, please don't do that
One room, two beds, very chaste
Talking all night long
XXV. She writes
Try to mind your tongue
If you cannot mind your mind
We shook on it, right?
XXVI. He writes
We shook, palm to palm...
Shock! Our skin electrified
First touch in three years...
XXVII. She writes
Fees shuffled the carpet;
Static electricity
First-grader science
XXVIII. He writes
Aha! You cheated
(You never needed to cheat
Just to prove a point)
XXIX. She writes
Extra syllable?
Subtextual rebuke of
infidelity?
XXX. He writes
Subtext? What subtext?
Can you find subtext in these
Roman numerals?
XXXI. She writes
And your point is... what?
Beside another excuse
To talk about (SEX!)
XXXII. He writes
Everything we say
(what we don't say, even more)
has double meaning
XXXIII. She writes
Like: Are we there yet?
Are we there yet? Are we there
yet? Are we there yet?
XXXIV. He writes
Meaning: The hotel?
Or: Is this conversation,
getting anywhere?
XXXV. She writes
To cheat, two meanings:
When I broke the senryule
When I broke your heart
XXXVI. He writes
I meant the poem
(And my heart didn't break then--
but three years ago)
XXXVII. She writes
I don't know what to--
I don't think I'm ready for--
(Even though I asked)
XXXVIII. He writes
What's awkward out loud
(in parentheses or not)
On the page, less so
XXXIX. She writes
You sure about that?
I feel pretty damn awkward
Sitting here right now
XL. He writes
Why? I much prefer
this paper dialogue to
small talk in Starbucks
XLI. She writes
Small talk? But I thought
You were enjoying yourself
Or were you lying?
XLII. He writes
Lying about that?
No. But there were too many
sire of omission
XLIII. She writes
I have to agree
But there's always the risk of
too much said too soon
XLIV. He writes
Your "uhhhhs" and "nothings"
coughs, stutters, and ellipses
Spoke louder than words
XLV. She writes
As if your dropped hints
leading questions and half-truths
were any better?
XLVI. He writes
Let's start all over
No rush, we've got a long night
Take it nice and slow
XLVII. She writes
Add a few "oh yeahs"
come "day-um, girls" and that's a
baby-makin' jam
XLVIII. He writes
Well, well, Jessica
Now who brought up the (SEX!) talk?
Such a dirty mind...
XLIX. She writes
(I'm ignoring you)
We're almost at the E-Dub!
(I'm ignoring you)
L. He writes
Permission granted--
in the attempt at condor--
to say anything
LI. She writes
Hello, Lloyd Dobler!
I do not need your blessing
To do anything
LII. He writes
I only meant that
My feelings need not to be spared
I dare to choose truth
LIII. She writes
Never truth or dare
With you. always truth and dare
Not sure if I'll play...
LIV. He writes
Then read magazines
Or listen to your iPod
Safe like other sheep
LV. She writes
Baaa! Baaa! Baaa! Baaa! Baaa!
Baaa! Baaa! Baaa! Baaa! Baaa! Baaa! Baaa!
Baaa! Baaa! Baaa! Baaa! Baaaaaaaaaaaaaa! So inspiring. The end of the last book, you already know. Or, you can expect it. Many people says its so disappointing. But I say, it is perfect. With all those dialogues and senryus. I only want to see Marcus and Jessica, so I dont need any other characters to come up, so this book is perfect for me. And I really, really, go aww-ing after I finished this series. I was pretty sad, yes, I won't see Marcus and Jessica anymore. But its end. End to all ends. And so my post. And this blog. Thank you very much.
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